Pirates of Vancouver & The Sunken Health Treasure
For some strange reason, which no one has been able to figure out yet, or satisfactorily explained to me for that matter – both of my conditions are cyclical, meaning I will have a good day or two and then it will come back with a vengeance and punch me in the face for a day or two…
For some further reason the “good days” have been less frequent and the period between episode has been getting shorter… I’m getting at most 2 or 3 good days then a day or two of bad…. I’m currently in a bad cycle that’s lasted 3 days now… When the bad double vision hits, we discovered that if you pulled up and out on my right eye, it would lessen the problem and kind of go back into focus and I could see for awhile – we actually experimented with putting tape on my eye pulling it up and taping it that way….. yes I know totally whack – but it’s amazing what you are willing to put up with during bad times….
Hey here is a fun game we can play together, see if you can tell what my state of mind is right now…. The eye thing is really horrible, what’s curious is that now and lately pulling on the right eye does nothing BUT, pulling on the left eye helps… WTF… The other option we worked on is just straight up taking one eye out of the equation. Yep I’m taking about wearing an eye patch, for reals….at least with one eye I can move my head to see. I’m assuming we’ve all experienced blurry vision – yes? Well this goes so far beyond that I can’t even begin to explain what I see, it’s like I’m some kind of lizard with independent eyes looking in different directions, the Myasthenia weakens the eye muscles and so they can’t stay still or hold in place and so even when you are looking directly at something your eye will start drifting off, usually down and you can see whatever you were looking at start moving down – only you aren’t moving your eye – it’s doing it by itself and then the other eye starts moving in a different pattern, you want to talk about messing with your head, literally your brain starts hurting trying to collect and process this information, streaming in from sources that are out of your control…. Frustrating… yeah, a little bit… what does it mean? am I progressing? how long until it gets worse? stressful, yeah, a little bit…. I’m in no mood for punctuation… hence the run on…. jaw, mouth and throat also very tired, eating is a chore, after the first few chews, you can’t close your mouth all the way, no matter how hard you try – you can’t. I have to pause mid mouthful, rest and then resume trying to get it small enough to swallow, down the throat that also gets fatigued easily, so I’m back to swallowing 4, 5 or 6 times just to get a bit of food down… I could go on but I think you get the point….and besides what is the point? more blah, blah.blah…
So an eye patch is a real option, of course there is no damn way I will leave the house looking like the lead in some bad daytime soap opera, incidentally the only people who wear eye patches besides legit pirates.
Just as a sort of whip cream on this shitty sundae, heart has also been acting up in a big way… nearly constant fib, then I’ll get a few hours back in rhythm and then it goes out again – all in all, good times… a while back I wrote about my comedy stylings and found the following picture that also spoke to me and summed things up pretty nicely, I know I still have my limbs and am not dying from cancer etc etc, but when all these things I have going on hit you full force and all together, you can’t help but think that – you know what, sometimes even clowns die….
Pretty down post here I realize particularly after yesterdays go-getter accomplish something great – up with people treatise… but not too much I can do about how i feel right now….. hard to grin and be positive when you can’t breathe, see, eat, swallow etc etc…..
The least you can do is Have a Great Day…..