Tickets Please… All Aboard the Pain Train….

If you are a regular reader, you’ll recall a while back when I speculated that I must have been a serial killer in a previous life, it was the only logical explanation for why all this drama was being foisted upon me. Well since then, I’ve reconsidered – I wasn’t a Serial Killer…. I was Hitler.


Just after the IVIG plunged me into the most debilitating, soul crushing, incapacitating pain I’ve ever had the misfortune to experience, little did I realize the darkside was preparing to send me into round 2. Again, if you will recall, I explained how I had been peeing majestic rivers of blood – the flow has been alternating between horror movie bright red blood and different horror movie dark brown ‘clotted’ looking blood – doesn’t matter, both are enough to make you drink an extra large ‘7-11 Big Gulp’ of fear. Which I promptly finished in one swallow.

My GP went on to give me a long explanation (of which I understood perhaps 30%) about how the kidneys work and then he speculated that the IVIG had “opened” the sieve between the membranes of the kidneys, allowing particles that would normally be filtered out and not allowed into the kidneys… a free access backstage pass, along with an all day ride pass and spending money for refreshments. So these particles were all very very happy and proceeded to have a wonderful time, using my kidneys as their own private Disneyland. The kidneys bravely soldiered on an did what they do, took all the offending foreign debris and started making it into hard little nuggets of misery.

Thursday evening, my favorite TV night, (Community, Parks & Rec, The Office & 30 Rock) was progressing with all systems go and I felt OK. I was getting used to the blood and was less freaked than I had been for awhile. The pain was gone, heart was good and steady, Mysathenia was tolerable and I was doing alright. Normally, I write this post in front of the TV around 10pm or so and as 30 Rock ended I got my laptop out and began, my back, lower right and right side began really bothering me, it felt like a pulled muscle or something – I thought maybe I had been sitting funny and didn’t think much else about it….  Stupid me.

Wendi went to bed around 11:30 – by 12:30 I was in a full sweat and laying in a fetal position on the living room floor. I had in the back of my mind the possibility that the bloody urine could possibly be caused by a stone – because it’s the number one hit on the web when you search for peeing blood. But the Kidney explanation from my Doctor sort of put that possibility on the back burner. So – back to me in a heap on the floor, I remembered enough about stones to recall that the pain was located in the same place I was having mine and so I was going to try and gut it out. I started pounding back water, between 12am and about 7:30 when Wendi woke up, I drank 8 Litres of water – that is alot of water, in a misguided attempt to flush the offender out of me.

What I had actually done was to overload an already overworked and stressed renal system, threw all my electrolytes out of whack and amazingly – despite drinking so much – dehydrate myself. When I wasn’t curled up in pain, which was the only way to get even a modicum of relief, I was walking around  the house. I walked for a good 2 or 3 hours when I couldn’t stand to stay still anymore, besides the walking was sort of a necessity, as my frequent trips to the bathroom where I either was peeing or throwing up were coming more and more often. Wendi wanted to go to the hospital when she woke up and found me sitting bolt upright, rocking back and forth – having obviously been up all night – but she had already taken so much time off work, I made her go as she only had a half day and I knew she would be back by 1 or so.

When she came home, incredibly and going against what I thought possible – the pain had increased and for the second time in a week, tears were forming of their own will.  Being a manly man I assumed that my tear ducts had sealed up years ago…. not so….. but it’s a testament to the stabbing, searing, suffering agony I was experiencing. I tried to drink some Gatorade in a futile effort to replenish some fluids but they  promptly came back up and so we decided we had better go to Emergency. So we did, two more visits and I get a lovely set of steak knives….

That was about 2 in the afternoon, they took me in and naturally by this time my heart had started going haywire…. good times…. they gave me fluids, and Morphine, Gravol and some fast acting pain killer in a suppository… yes I said suppository… damn… in this state I was still able to work up a healthy embarrassment as the nurse VIOLATED me… what kind of sick drug company invents a suppository…. really, come on, pills or a shot work just fine…. no need to head down that route. If you need this amount of painkiller, you are obviously in distress – there is no logical reason you need to go ahead and ramp the experience up further by having things enter thru the exit…. damn….

Anyways, not surprisingly I started feeling better, the technical term is stoned out of my gourd. They got me in for a CT Scan and eventually discovered that yes, a mass had formed in my Kidneys and that was where my pain was coming from. They kept me for observation for awhile longer and released me just after 10pm last night, with a small pharmacy of drugs including Percocet, which I’ve never taken before but is supposed to be very strong. I came home very dopey and pretty tired… did a few things, put up last nights brief post and went to bed.

Woke up this am, feeling OK and I am straining each and every pee with a small device they gave me to see if and when the mass makes it’s exit…. so you see, clearly, the only scenario that makes any sense is that I must have been Hitler…. and it’s payback…..

Have a Great Day