Brain Muscles, I got em’… But What if they Start to Melt

Well, I lasted another year. This freakin body of mine has been doing its damnedest to see me finally walking towards the light – but sweet baby jesus in a jumpsuit I am suuuuuper stubborn.

However none of that Fiddle Faddle matters today, because it’s my Birthday… and so we lift up our hearts to give me praise. I am turning 23. Seems like only yesterday I was finishing up high school,  but….. well…… that’s Alzheimer’s for ya…

I just hope Prince William and his bride Lady Diana don’t steal all my thunder. I’m not really all that “up” on the Royals, I got a bad taste in my mouth after Sarah Ferguson died in that car crash in France and Charles married the Queen Mum… they had me until Philip married his horse, Camilla then it just seemed “off” to me. I know, I know, I’m a prude – since the dawn of time royalty have been in-breeding but now, in this day and age it just seems like a particularly bad episode of Jerry Springer – and I shan’t have it.

I don’t have too much to say today. I still haven’t been able to work. What possible job would have me, with all these doctors appointments and the uncertainty – the potentially upcoming operations… very difficult situation right now.

To try and stay sane, I’ve been doing lots of volunteer advertising, branding and design for a bunch of charities.  For quite a long time now and word of mouth has started to spread and I’ve been getting a number of charities asking for my services. Well, ummm, OK but here’s the thing…. volunteer work doesn’t pay.

I guess I’m hoping that I’m building up massive karma points within the universe, and at some point I will be rewarded. Not really – that’s not my motivation I just need to feel connected to the world and this allows me to keep the design juice flowing and not letting my brain shrink any more than it has. One of the foundations I did some work for was very happy with my efforts and they passed me up the food chain to a more “prestigious” charity and that too went very well, they were over the moon with the work. They too asked my permission to recommend me “up” and now I’ve ended up as the Design Lead for the “Dali Lama Center for Peace and Education” Started by the Dali Lama himself, right here in Vancouver. Now this, this is a big league non-profit.

In addition to the Dali Lama & Bishop Desmond Tutu – there are 2 former prime ministers, 5 Nobel Peace Prize winners and a number of world-wide influential people on the board. The Dali Lama is a pretty hot commodity right now, very fashionable and basically, at least in BC, when he show up it’s madness – he’s the closest a religious icon could come to being a rock star, without doing coke and having roadies bring broads backstage after his talks…. so it’s a pretty big deal.

I’m excited and if this volunteer work was ever going to lead somewhere, this would definitely be the place…. but again – it’s not my motivation… if something happens great, if not, fine… maybe it won’t lead to any kind of work but when I die, I will be granted perfect enlightenment for all eternity. So there’s that…

Part of the reason for the gaps in posting on the blog is that I have been doing projects for these charitable organizations. The second reason for Gaps is simply my feeling cruddy almost all the time.

Another reason, and probably the biggest reason, I finally put my money where my mouth is and I’ve started writing a Novel. A good many posts ago, I talked about my word count with this blog and basically the number of words I’ve written (at that time) were more than enough for a book. Now, all these months later I’m well past that number – so I decided to throw caution to the wind and give it a go. It’s called “The Arc of Descent” and it’s a ripping good yarn if I do say so myself and I’m a good ways into it. Now here’s where the blog impact comes into play. My dears, writing… is hard. Plain and simple. I may not be out digging ditches but it is exhausting. Basically you have a 10 or 12 movies playing in your head all the time, with all the characters and dialogue and plot points and theme transitions and character arcs etc etc and all those plates are spinning at once – but at very different speeds and your job is to try and make them all spin at the same speed and in the same direction.

In addition to that – in December of last year, I met someone and together we’ve come up with an idea for a graphic novel, she advertised online for a creative partner and I followed up. I’m writing the story which she will illustrate. I’m quite excited about it, I came up with the whole story based on her bare bones idea and she bought it, (it’s about a turn of the century, Sinister, traveling Circus, done in a Steam-Punk motif – mostly it’s for kids but cool grown-ups will enjoy as well) so that’s another drain on my writing muscle. Sadly this means the blog consistency has been the one suffering right now. I apologize – but, the reason I said I would stop saying sorry is that I just don’t have the energy to be worrying about disappointing anyone right now. I wish I felt better and had my old energy back, I fear the longer it stays away, the tougher it will be to get back. It’s very frightening. All I have is my uniqueness, my creativity, my skewed point of view, if that dries up  – I’m doomed.

I’m deathly afraid that every single day I sit here not working or “engaging” with the world, I slip… just a little bit, but little bits eventually add up to big bits and then I’m just another chump sleep-walking through life, rather than the exceptionally witty and talented desert rose I am now….  I’m telling you… thinking is hard, y’all should try it once in a while.

So those are the reasons for the gaps in the posts, now maybe with those nuggets of info you will be less inclined to tar and feather me for not posting everyday… cripes some of you folks can get downright cuckoo for coco-puffs when I don’t have something on here everyday…. you know the old saying, don’t throw rocks at glass houses if you can’t pay the piper when the bird is in your hand not gathering moss….

Have a Great Day & Wonderful Weekend

Although I worry my brain is melting I have to say, over-all my muscle tone is greatly improving….. see my latest photo…