Stuck on the Bottom of a Fighter Jet…
Wow, I almost forgot how to log on…. it has been a couple of weeks. Sorry.
They have been spectacular weeks – that have re-defined the very meaning of the word suck. I’m not talking about regular, ordinary, work-a-day sucking… I’m talking about revolutionary sucking the likes of which haven’t been seen since the invention of that stupidly overpriced, Dyson Vacuum. Yea – we get it, you’re british, the wheels have been replaced by a big ball. What’s the point of inventing this fantastic new super power suck, when only Bill Gates, Warren Buffet and Donald Trump can afford it?
The Dyson, based model vacuum costs $81,000, without the upholstery cleaner or the magic wand corner attachment. Yes, admittedly its unique cyclonic action is fascinating…. yes, we understand it has the power to attach to the bottom of an F-14 Fighter jet and stay snug during a particularly robust top-gun type dog fight over the Suez canal. BUT, the trick comes in making it available to the people who actually vacuum their homes.
But I digress, I was talking about how the past few weeks have been sucky. Breathing is something I can only remember vaguely doing normally, No joke, sometimes shifting positions in my chair will make me extremely out of breath, when I’m dealing with that fantastic-ness, I’m walking and moving in cement because my heart rate is below 50 BPM, called bradycardia, beating too slowly, so everything becomes a chore, like slow motion, legs and arms become heavy and everything I do is sluggish….. then suddenly it flips and starts racing and I’m doing 130 BPM, so it’s like I’m running full-out, so I’m sweaty and jittery and shaky…. bad times.
I still have the bleeding issues, so its become a regular occurrence to brush my teeth and spit out a sinkful of blood, gums bleed, nose bleeds, cuts after shaving that stay open all day…. They assure me we’ll eventually get the dosage correct… un-huh.
Anyways part of the reason I haven’t posted is because I felt so cruddy, also I’ve been using the energy I do have to ensure I am at maximum awesomeness for my kids. That and trying to handle the other writing I talked to you about before, plus the charity design work.
So I chose today for an update because tomorrow I’m finally going in for my cardioversion. Hurrah and crap all at the same time. I’ll go in thursday – tomorrow, they monitor me and get all the information and stuff, IV’s and whatnot then they will put me under, shock me as many times as necessary and hope it does the trick. I’ve been cardioversioned a number of times before but usually it’s just the jolt to try and shock me back into sinus rhythm. This time, as I believe I’ve mentioned before their aim is to try and briefly stop my heart, then restart it as a type of re-boot for the whole system.
Stop my heart. I’m pretty sure that’s not good. Seems I read somewhere the heart is fairly necessary in sustaining life. So I guess at some point tomorrow or friday morning I will be – for the teeniest, tinyest moment, dead. If there is anyone on the other side any of you would like me to contact, let me know. I will try to remember not to walk towards the light. I will also try to find out what really happened to Kennedy, Marylin, Pricess Di and find out who wins the next 10 Superbowls, Kentucky Derby’s and Lotto Max numbers.
So that’s it, just wanted to let Y’all know what’s been going on, I know I said I would return to regular posts again, but sweet baby jesus in a blue camaro – it’s been really hard. I will, I will be back. For I know that many of you remain rutter-less without my spiritual guidance, If all goes well, in the next couple of days – I will be home friday afternoon, and the fib/flutter will be a memory.
Too bad the Dyson isn’t strong enough to suck away misery.
Keep the faith, Fight the power, Just Say No, Keep On Truckin’, Pass the Dutchie, Who Let the Dogs Out and Shock the Monkey… in that order…
Have a Great Day
PS – If any of you have been trying to send me mail through my MSN account, there was a glitch and the account was closed. So I lost all the email addresses that were saved in MSN, so please send me your email through this blog comments, I won’t publish your address but I will get back to you.
Finally! I was so worried when I was emailing and getting no reply and also no posts on here. Yikers. I hope everything goes smoothly today with the procedure. Flaps are tightly crossed.