I suspect at one time or another we all feel a bit lost, after all – there are no directions, no celestial guidebook to helps us on our journey through the brief time we spend living. Existence is fraught with contradiction, paradox and ambiguities, mysteries and the absurd.

Regular readers will be familiar with the bumps in my road, and as my road becometh smooth and the specters and spirits of ill-health are assuaged – I am able to make clear how I may give back, how I may make gentle the path for my fellow travelers. While there are indeed many unknowns I shall endeavor to make known, in this case I shall include various illustrations of my running afoul of the Seven Deadly Sins and by my proof so shall ye see they are completely invalid – that you may take pains to not find yourself twixt the sin and your forsaken humanity.

Now let’s get on with it….. let me tell you about LUST;

Lust, also known as lechery is usually thought of as excessive thoughts or desires of a sexual nature. In Dante’s Purgatorio, the penitent walks within flames to purge himself of lustful/sexual thoughts and feelings – I’m assuming they have no cold showers in hell. In Dante’s “Inferno”, unforgiven souls of the sin of lust are blown about in restless hurricane-like winds symbolic of their own lack of self-control to their lustful passions.

I remember the first time I lusted, truly felt lust in my heart, it was the first time I tasted Bacon.

I knew at once there would be struggles with salted, cured pork for the remainder of my days. I would rather not go into how the sexual part fits into the bacon situation… I mean once you get a certain quantity of lard all over your… look, I just don’t want to go into it….

The Dictionary explains Lust thus; (n) intense or unbridled sexual desire, lasciviousness… an intense longing or craving….  OK well obviously we, each and every one of us is going directly to hell, which of us hasn’t craved something at sometime…..  ..really jonesing for chocolate, you are a sinner, even before eating it, see you in hell.

For proof, see this bible quote – Lust is sin and sin is death… Then super-huge downer killjoy Jesus, busts out with this scud missile of a comment “But I say unto you, that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery in their heart as surely as having committed the…. blah, blah, blah…. sounds sort of like the thing the kid who never gets invited to the really cool parties would say.

I mean come on, you’re damned for just thinking about, THINKING about…. well you know – birds do it, bees do it.. even educated fleas do it…

Anyways, once I got a handle on the bacon thing, I mean it – I invented a handle to help facilitate the rapid swallowing of bacon…. I began to notice girls and Hello (in a british accent) hang-on, they’re all different from us chaps. After an exhaustive search all through my teen years I was forced to come to grips with the fact that I’d never meet a woman who smelled – hickory smoked, without moving to Tennessee, it was as if my destiny were preordained… and off I went.

Religion and such, is a funny thing, here I was being extolled to temper my Lust for bacon and women, while at the same time being driven inextricably towards it… Tennessee was, as you’d expect, and then fate intervened “and the lord sayeth unto you, ask and ye shall receive” and my search was over, my prayers answered….


Total score!  Epic Win!

Of course I knew there was no way my ultra racist parents would ever welcome, L’il Leanne Lou Dallas into their home and ultimately the relationship was doomed from the start. But oh my god, did we have fun, Leanne could do this thing where she would lift her pork loin and rotate her roast in a counter-clockwise… well whatever, all you really need to know is that in the end – it didn’t last…. but she will always be a part of me, my life, my memories… She was delicious.

Getting back to todays topic, the whole she-bang is what gives me hope – hope that religion in general and God in particular are my kind of people, because obviously they, he, them have a tremendous sense of humour. Of course there is still all that hellfire and smiting going on but deep down, he, they, them enjoy a laugh. Why else would he create man, infuse him with one single overriding protocol – go forth and be the biggest horn-dog in all creation, with the exception of the sex-freaks on planet Vulva 7… then, upon ensuring we think of sex, on average once every 1 trillionth of a second…. wait for it……wait……. then tell us thinking about sex with anyone we aren’t married to, is a mortal sin that gets an instant, do not pass go, express ticket to hell.

That my friends, is the most sophisticated, elaborate prank EVER!

It makes no sense, it isn’t logical, it would mean we were created to fail…. So basically, see what I’ve done there – I’ve gone and disproved the validity of Lust as a sin, now we’re down to six… go ahead with my blessing and Lust it up…. tell’em I sent you.

Have a Great Day