Gluttony

Hi-De-Ho Fellow Sinner…

I hope you’ve already had a good opportunity to get out and really do some focused practice with Lust, after all – these posts are written for you. It’s hardly worth the effort on my part if you are not going to act on what we’ve learned. I already know all this stuff, I’m just looking to share… it’s what I do, it’s who I am….

Hey Chris, sure it’s easy for you because clearly you operate on a different plane than us, but how exactly can I go about committing all seven of the deadly sins, without disrupting my already busy schedule” Good question, here’s the thing, really – don’t worry about it, the beauty of the Seven Deadly Sins, all sin actually – is that they are fundamentally set-up so that you can easily break all of them, without breaking a sweat. I’m pretty confident that right now, most, nope I’m going to go ahead and say all of you have broken all of them at some point in your life. So stop fretting and turn that frown upside down… you’re doomed, accept it and move on.

Feel better? A weight coming off your shoulders, gone is the pressure to be “good” – a freedom to sin should really help put those pesky morals in their place, about time too, listen – the deck is firmly stacked in the house’s favour, and the house always collects…. just relax and enjoy Hell!

Let’s get on with today’s topic – Gluttony.

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Gluttony, (derived from the Latin gluttire meaning to gulp down or swallow), means over-indulgence and over-consumption of food, drink or intoxicants to the point of waste. The chief error about Gluttony is to think it only pertains to food. Some people can’t have enough toys, television, entertainment, sex, or company. It’s about an excess of anything.

So if you have even one teeny, tiny, little thing in your home that is not an expressly functional everyday use object – congratulations you’re a glutton, sinner bastard, off to hell with you. Ever had a meal when you had a bit more to eat than you intended, got that uncomfortably full feeling, relax, you’ll have plenty of time to work it off because eventually the only roasting meat you will ever smell, for eternity, will be YOU, you’re a glutton and you will burn.

I don’t know how many of you were aware that I used to be on the professional competitive eaters tour since renamed the MLE or Major League Eaters tour. I held several records for a number of years and did most of my competing in Japan, where it is quite a big sport. I competed under the name Yatokikori Zukiyamashita, which roughly translates to “Gullet with the Mullet”. One of the most difficult events and one in which I still hold the record was for eating lamb… I ate 13 whole lambs in 9 minutes, bones in, head on, trimmed hooves. Noone has even come close, as of yet – but I know some day, it will be beaten by some young, hungry kid. Pure Gluttony.

There are many things I wish people did more like me, but I don’t advise competitive eating. Wise temperance of the stomach is a door to all the virtues. Restrain the stomach, and you will enter Paradise. But if you please and pamper your stomach, you will hurl yourself over the precipice of bodily impurity, into the fire of wrath and fury, you will coarsen and darken your mind, and in this way you will ruin your powers of attention and self-control, your sobriety and vigilance.

Because Gluttony is generally a sin of the flesh, the flesh limits it. If we consume too much food or drink, our body lets us know, either by gaining weight or illness. We enter into Gluttony when we demand more pleasure from something than it was made for. Normally, we can only eat so much food, but some people in Ancient Rome, well, this just wasn’t good enough so, they invented the vomitorium – they forced themselves to throw up at the end of a meal so as to be able to continue eating. Ummmm, Ok probably yea, this counts as pure gluttony.

Your punishment in Hell for the sin of Gluttony – you will be force-fed rats, toads and snakes for the remainder of time.

St. Thomas Aquinas, another super religious, ultra downer guy, named five different ways of committing gluttony:

  • Laute – eating food that is too luxurious, exotic, or costly
  • Nimis – eating food that is excessive in quantity
  • Studiose – eating food that is too daintily or elaborately prepared
  • Praepropere – eating too soon, or at an inappropriate time
  • Ardenter – eating too eagerly.

So in conclusion, here we are again in just about the same boat as LUST, just read the list above, there is not a person alive or dead who couldn’t put a tick mark next to more than one of them. I mean come on, eating at an inappropriate time? Did the cavemen wait until exactly noon for a wooly mammoth to toddle on by or did he bloody well eat whenever he got the chance. Ever had a granola bar on the road or between meals? See you in Hell. Ever eaten after a particularly busy day, you’re starved, did you eat eagerly? See you in Hell. Ever had a meal that was nicely prepared or had some garnish on it? See you in Hell. Ever finished eating and left some food on your plate? Enjoy Hell.

If this is all that’s required to transgress a mortal sin – then again, as with LUST we’ve been set-up to fail. Everyone, absolutely everyone would be in Hell, save like 10,000 saints who would be in heaven, but everyone else since the dawn of time, Hell.

I can’t imagine the purpose here and ergo, this sin rings false. For someone so hung up on food, with so many rules to follow, Jesus & his pals sure did have a lot of feasts, according to the bible. At these feasts are you telling me, there was never any food left, it was never presented in an attractive way, it was always only at specific meal times, they never ate special dishes and noone ever ate with gusto…come on….. gluttony is no sin here. See what I did there again….  now we’re down to 5 deadly sins, see how much easier I’ve already made your life… you can thank me lustily by heartily eating too much fancy food at odd hours….

Have a Great Day

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