I may get in Trouble for this…

December 6, 2010

Do you ever wonder what became of an old flame, someone you found utterly unforgettable, someone you’ve never been able to completely let go of? Someone who got hold of your heart and has forever staked a claim? It’s an interesting question.

Why am I asking it? Well, for some reason I found myself on the Classmates website. Before you all begin chanting chump, chump – in unison, I’m just gonna say don’t bother – I mean, after all, there is a reason I’m not in touch with most of these people, to wit, they were morons. Oh sure they were fun at the time, but, well… you know, we all change. Well more precisely I did, from what I’ve heard, most of them haven’t and that is a shame.

I envy (not a sin) people who are still friends with people they went to grade school or high school with, the shared experiences and history, the bond is astounding, at our age, still hanging with friends that old is rivaled only by the relationship shared with a sibling.

In case you aren’t familiar with the Classmates website, basically it’s a listing of almost every school in North America… you enter your school, the years you attended and it shows everyone who has registered during the time you specified – I was curious to see if anyone from my high school knew how to use a computer – I’m not kidding, academia wasn’t always the pinnacle of achievement at my high school, now the best ways to stuff a body in the trunk, that was a different story.

There were 9 people from my elementary school and 174 from my high school, who attended in my years. At the elementary school, I knew 3 of them – of the high schoolers, I knew 22 well and another 30 or so by name. It’s amazing how quickly it all comes rushing back, the memories, just seeing those names. The catch is, the website makes its money by charging you for those peoples contact info – so while you can see who is listed on there for free, if you want to contact them, it’ll cost ya.

It got me reminiscing about how magically delicious those days were. We were young and beautiful, of course I can only speak for myself, we were invincible, we were dumb and everything was new and terribly exciting. It’s a shame that human nature often fails to allow us to see just how marvelous the here and now can be. In grade school we wanted to be the big kids in high school, in high school the thought of college or university seemed to be the answer, in post secondary, we couldn’t wait to be all grown up and out working, no more exams, not being forced to study or read for hours on end…. of course as we pass each milestone, inevitably we pine for the uncomplicated sweetness of the past.

In the present we romanticize the future, in the future we romanticize the past – it’s only the now we really screw up.

Yet despite all the memories, there remains that one person, the one who got away, the one to whom we return again and again in our thoughts – the wonder, where he or she is today and what their life is like? . . . Did he/she marry, divorce, have children, a prestigious career, do they remember me.. . .? Ever consider looking him or her up and possibly arranging to reunite? If you did, you wouldn’t be alone…

Studies show it can lead to a remarkable, rekindled romance. Reuniting is often a highly emotional endeavor, more powerful and fulfilling than imaginable. Yet the occurrences, circumstances, associated feelings and outcomes are surprisingly common. I looked up a couple of things and found this research project in the states about this very topic.

A psychology professor at UCLA, has done extensive studies on long-lost romances. These are former couples who have found one another after years of separation. Within the study, the researchers collected thousands of questionnaires and spoke to people from all walks of life who had such experiences. All of those reporting were apart for at the very least fifteen years, then reunited. The results showed that their stories were amazingly similar. Some of the interesting results…

About three-quarters of the polled group met during their teenage years. As a lead researcher stated, “These are the puppy loves that people make fun of, the seemingly easily forgotten first loves . . . . And yet, when they have a choice to go back to someone, of all the relationships in their life, that’s the one they go back to.”
When the sample lovers reunited, it was predominately after age 40, but the range spanned anywhere between the ages 18 and 89.
Well over half of the reunited lovers maintained the relationship and felt strongly enough to continue, even through extramarital affairs.
Another interesting note is that the sex has resoundingly been reported as earth-shaking!
Of those who reconnected after 25 or more years of separation, the rate of staying together rose to 80 per cent. Many have even married and most have commented that they feel a deep, soulmate-like bond with their newly rediscovered partner.

Now those are some pretty convincing points, it sure does make the prospect of someday reuniting pretty darn attractive. So, that being said, wherever you may be and whatever you may be doing – I’m thinking of you.