Communists Ruined Christmas

Well, here it is Christmas Eve, Eve… I’m a big fan of christmas.. BIG – I love the whole shooting match. Actually funny I should use the word shooting, I’m sorry you have to hear this from me, especially now but, well, you need to know and so you shall….

It goes without saying this needs to be kept on the down-low, I was never here, I never wrote this and you never read this…

When I was in the army, a Russian SAM took out Santa and the sleigh and there wasn’t much left of the reindeer worth eating. Came down on the west side of the ‘wall’ that divided West and East Germany, right in my sector of patrol. We did what we could but Santa was already gone, the damn commies killed him with their damn commie missile. Guts blood and toys everywhere. Our efforts were on the reindeer which were torn up too, but we got some good steaks out of Blitzen and a shoulder roast off the one with the red nose.


Anyways, my point is – that since the mid 70s its all been a cover up. The Superpowers working together for once and using lasers to create Santa holo images on clouds all under the cover of Reagan’s supposed missile shield and the Reds anti satellite lasers… Leaders in East and West knew that if it got out that Santa was lost (slaughtered) over the border that the alliances on both sides might fall apart in disgust and they would lose their power. But…the West hung together once word did finally leak out mainly because it was a Russian missile that did the nasty thing to old Saint Nick. So, no more Russian Empire, no more Warsaw Pact.

Only the heads of state knew in the end, they said the kids (and their families) didn’t have a need to know. Typical. Me, I think they were paid off by a consortium of capitalists only too eager to take over from Santa…at a price. Soon after the Santa body doubles started showing up in malls. No coincidence that. You could always tell because the ‘gifts’ weren’t free anymore. Well if they aren’t free they aren’t gifts right? But the greedy bastards pulled it off anyway.


That cold, snowy, Christmas night in Germany back in the mid 70s I was with my company and the supply had broken down again. I recall thinking, I wish Santa would bring me a steak – when there was a bright light in the sky and then several seconds later the sound of the explosion. I always thought it interesting how the speed of light and the speed of sound put a few seconds between the two. Both were faster than the speed of Santa and the rest of the mess plunging from the sky which arrived in our midst a few seconds later.

So as it turns out, I am the last one to ever receive a present from the real Santa, a nice juicy reindeer steak.

Well, now you know. Do with it what you will, and I repeat I didn’t write this, I was never here and you never read it…

Have a Great Day.