Justice, Knees & Fashion

Have you ever seen this show on TV called Disorderly Conduct – On Patrol?

You most likely have, you just didn’t know what you were watching. It’s basically just a show which airs clip after clip of bad people, doing bad things, all caught by the little camera on the dashboard of police cars. Really I’m pretty sure that was all they said in the pitch to the network to get funding for the show. “Yea it’s great, we don’t even have to hire actors, there is a virtually endless supply of morons perfectly ready, willing and able to claim their crown as the official dregs of society.

My family knows when I’m watching it, because usually I’m yelling ‘SHOOT EM’ every couple of minutes. Which I guess is kind of odd, because – well, first, I’m Canadian and we rarely shoot anything, matter of fact I’ve never even held a real gun. But for some reason watching that show turns me into a less forgiving, meaner Dirty Harry. I can’t for the life of me understand why the police ever bother to holster their weapons… I would have a special grip fashioned that allowed me to never put the gun down, while still allowing me the freedom to access my billy club, brass knuckles, taser and industrial pepper spray (the kind rated for a Rhino).


See, some police even have a head start on me...

I’m not totally without compassion, I’m not saying I would kill anyone and everyone – but if I ever became a cop you should strongly consider investing in companies that manufacture artificial knees… because holy hell am I going to disable a whole whack of bad guys.

It’s just so frustrating to watch the police chase these people, then when they finally catch up to them, they inevitably end up wrestling with the suspect, getting all sweaty and grunty, when a single bullet fired into either knee would in most cases sharply dampen the fighting spirit in the Ne’er-do-well.

The benefits are many fold, not only does it put an immediate end to any idea of “fleeing the scene” for the criminal –  and I’ve yet to commission a study on it, but I would also venture a guess that it would significantly reduce the number of repeat offenders.

You don’t see too many tough guys walking around menacing people with their canes or in particularly difficult arrests, in which both knees required the bullet therapy, you see even fewer bad guys bullying folks from their Rascal Scooter.

See I’ve thought about this, I would only need to be made Sheriff for, ummm, I would guess about 3 months before this town was clean. Then I would be free to wander, much like the littlest hobo, going from town to town, up and down the highways and by-ways fighting crime and showing criminals the business end of my guns of justice, leaving my signature, a bullet in the centre of the kneecap.

This has been just another in a long list of reasons why I should be running everything. Well, I guess not everything, nothing would ever get done once I made the proclamation that all women had to dress like Japanese Schoolgirls.


So upon reflection perhaps I shouldn’t be allowed to run everything…. then again….

Well you can think about it and let me know…

Have a Great Day