My Soul Weeps, My City Burns, The Orca Dies!

Clearly, the Canucks are gay.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I tried to urge them on to victory with the brunette, then the blond, then the asian…. they couldn’t possibly have wanted to see a ginger could they? Perhaps, they are really into older women, then perhaps a white or blue haired woman may have been just the spark they needed to hoist the cup. But I think the more likely answer is they simply enjoy the company of men. All that showering together business, it all adds up.

Irregardless, none of it worked in the end and they were shutout at home. Naturally there was only one option after the loss…  destroy the downtown core. And so, that is exactly what they proceeded to do.

Those of you who know me, know that I have one of the largest tear gas collections in the free world. Let’s just say I wasn’t too surprised to get a call after the game. It is madness down there. Volcanoes, earthquakes, mudslides, flooding, looting, animal sacrifice, overturned cars, cow tipping, alien abductions, I’m telling you it is unbelievable what is happening downtown right now…


It was a profoundly terrible game. The Canucks failed on so many levels, too many to list here, I’m going to go ahead and assume you watched it… nuff said.

I’m quite tired so I’m making todays post short and sweet but tomorrow I’ll tell you all about the visit to the heart center and what happened there, and I’ll explain why they are all morons. Including the latest indignity and the repurcussions thereof.

Have a great Day.