Hippos, Dwarves & Snakes…..Oh My…..

After my second tour of duty in Nam’ – I elected to not take the reg troop flight home, told them not to bother – I’d walk home and so I found myself in southeast Asia, a free man – as I think back I suppose there was some hard feelings on the part of the locals but it came with the territory, most of them were just happy it was over and they could get on with rebuilding their shattered lives and that being the case I was able to stay mostly trouble free. I saw many things, as you’d expect walking back to Canada from Vietnam…. some things stuck with me, some I was happy to forget.

One of the things I’ll never forget were the Hippos…. thousands upon thousands of them, lolly-gagging across the countryside, lounging on the streets, wading in hotel swimming pools, they were like insects.. massive, purple insects. The word hippo is greek for River horse and they can weigh up to 6000 pounds. Despite their resemblance to pigs their closest relative is the whale and porpoise (yep)… they can run over 30KM/h and the hippopotamus is one of the most aggressive creatures in the world, often regarded as the most ferocious animal in Africa.

For their size they are surprisingly light, almost elegant on their feet and several of the “gentleman’s clubs” in asia featured hippo dance nights, rather sad affairs where drunk or drug addled hippos were ushered on stage to gyrate and ‘work the room’ to over-loud Jimi Hendrix music…  I will admit, it was surprisingly alluring, so much so that I ended up spending three months living with a teen hippo in Bangkok by the name of Judy – we still write…. so having seen both the good and not so good side of hippos the following two stories are at once exhilarating and nauseating…

Although an excellent kisser, terrible dental hygiene made our relationship bittersweet

The 1st story concerns a hippo doing what they do best, eating…… see the attached newspaper report….

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The full story reads…..Dwarf Eaten by hippo A hippopotamus has swallowed a dwarf in a circus accident in northern Thailand. “A dwarf, nicknamed Od, died when he bounced sideways from a trampoline and was swallowed by a yawning hippopotamus, which was waiting to appear in the next act,” the Pattaya Mail reported. “Vets on the scene said Hilda the Hippo had a gag reflex which automatically caused her to swallow.” The vets said it was the first time the hefty vegetarian had ever eaten a circus performer. “Unfortunately, the 1000 plus spectators continued to applaud wildly until common sense dictated there had been a tragic mistake. Police said the trampoline has been sent for forensic analysis.”

There is nothing I can add to the above – it is just about as perfect a comedy gag as could ever be written… poor Od the dwarf…. one can only wonder what he has in store for himself in the after-life…. in the first place, he’s a dwarf, already a sizeable enough burden – now on top of that he has to tell people how he died….. for eternity….. I wish I had a dollar for every time a dwarf had a trampoline accident…..

The second story also concerns a hippo but is a complete reverse to the previous story it’s a video of a hippo being eaten, well more properly being regurgitated by a massive python – some dudes mess with the snake until he decides to up-chuck his lunch because he is so ridiculously full he can’t move… the fact that it is so horrible is held totally in check by the awesomeness factor and really – it’s natures version of a car crash, you feel like you should turn away but you just can’t-  it is sooooo incredible….. mesmerizing…. it makes me think of Judy…. See the video Here…… it’s 2 minutes long and well worth it…

Why… what possible reason would the snake have for being able to open and swallow that huge of a meal…. seriously in the wild there is no call for that…. Mr Python I have one word for you… moderation… save some hippo for later, maybe a nice stew or something tomorrow, but all today, come on… that’s too much – I mean sure if you’re an american at a buffet, Ok I can see it but in the wild – no that is just gluttony….. hmmmmm – gluttony maybe in the wake of the apocalypse post I should investigate a seven deadly sins series of posts……. boy oh boy I could tell you some stories about sin….

Anyways, that concludes today salute to the hippo…..

Have a Great Day

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