Movies; Our most sacred teacher…
We’ve all seen plenty of movies but do we ever take the time to reflect on what we’ve learned, the important life lessons that enrich our daily lives? Hundreds upon hundreds of tiny roadsigns that filmmakers have been good enough to layout for us as roadmaps to living a good life.
Heed them fellow traveler… heed them…. I’ve taken the liberty of listing some of them here, just in case you haven’t been paying attention.
During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick’s Day parade – at any time of the year.
All beds have special L-shaped sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.
You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a bill – grab one at random and It will always be the exact fare.
Kitchens don’t have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
Cars that crash will almost always immediately burst into flames.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds – unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
You see, just look at all the wisdom contained within the films, a veritable fount of knowledge. Louis B Mayer the famous old studio mogul once barked out the famous quote – “movies are entertainment – you want a message, call western union”. wrong Sir, very very wrong, each and every movie we watch teaches – and with the endiing credits, our hearts and minds grow, just a little bit….
Have a Great Day
All very true, my wise friend! The funniest part of Scream was “The Rules” for a scary movie and then for a sequel because, again, all true! That said, I’ll be right back, I want to pick up some pot, beer and have sex with that cowboy I’ve never met before outside the bar 😉