Behold, It is 3 Days Later and I have Risen…

I would like to thank two people for helping me navigate the choppy seas as of late,

But soft, what light through yonder window breaks…. The first is Shakespeare… and..

It’s ’bout as bad as it could be
Seems everybody’s buggin’ me
Like nothing wants to go my way–
yeah, it just ain’t been my day
Nothin’s comin’ easily

Even my skin is acting weird
I wish that I could grow a beard
Then I could cover up my spots
not play connect the dots
I just wanna disappear

No doubt you recognize the lyrics from the inspirational song “Up” by Shania Twain – who is the second person I must thank, Ms. Shania Twain, pretty much who I consider to be the Shakespeare of today…. check it out, the resemblance is uncanny…

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Spooky right?  – Similar styles of dressing, high foreheads, piercing eyes, killer bodies, awesome racks…. they are virtually identical, obviously from a strictly literary standpoint, it’s a wash – equal footing there, no advantage either way. Although if I was forced to give someone the crown it would have to be Shania, I mean yeah Ok so Shakespeare wrote a few plays but come on, if he were really that good, he would have made movies. But he didn’t did he… he was stuck in a narrow rut, writing play after play, and the odd sonnet but never stepping outside his comfort zone, he never even attempted to write a screenplay, actually he never even wrote a TV movie of the week… that’s weak. He was also hamstrung by his insistence on using the same theme time and again – – Will, buddy, we get it, you have mommy and daddy issues… deal with it…

Contrast that with Shania, – man, she feels like a woman… She’s been in Maxim magazine several times, Sung at Half-time during the Superbowl, on People Magazines most beautiful list, a Revlon Model and she rocks some serious thigh high leather boots, little know fact – Shakespeare also wore thigh high leather boots but it creates a vastly different visual…. Shania has written almost all her own songs and rocketed to fame based only on her music and her exceptional abdomen, which is often prominently displayed in her videos.

I think it’s easy to see why I value the two of them so highly, their inspirational musings have helped me discover the strength to take the gun from my mouth, loosen the belt from around my neck, remove the rocks from my pockets and stay away from the river, dilute the drain cleaner smoothy, shut off the gas valve, remove the hose running from the car exhaust into the bedroom, hide the razor blades and halt construction on the full-sized french revolution guillotine in the yard…

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Which frankly was beginning to cause some consternation amongst my neighbours. It’s not every day you see a 18th century guillotine going up in your average suburban backyard, what with the platform and all – the whole rig was about 35 feet high, as if that wasn’t bad enough —  importing all those french people to yell taunts and insults was perhaps ill-advised on my part – french people… so filthy, you wouldn’t believe the smell of cheese out back right now…. empty baguette wrappers everywhere… filthy.

OK – here’s the deal I am nearly drowning in lemonade here – you know, the whole life gives you lemons thing… but it isn’t doing all that much to brighten the mood. So behold the genius plan I have constructed – I’m going to use the best, most effective tool I have in my arsenal, basically this amounts to my launching all my nuclear weapons – its a subtle and delicate technique which, thus far in my life has never failed to provide results when I need them most – it’s the use of brute force and ignorance. Don’t underestimate it’s effectiveness, I have no time left for finesse, the situation does not call for the genteel – I need to support my flank, it’s to be a full frontal assault, two men enter, one man leaves, I’m grabbing the bull by the horns…

Yes OK, I realize I’m not making sense but, if it confuses you imagine what it’s doing to me.

“Some people are strengthened by failure, and others are defeated by it. Who survives and who does not has little to do with money or advantage; it depends more on inner strength of character, a primitive toughness that protects the self and will not let mere external events destroy it. This kernal of survival is a precious possession, and discovering it is one of the very real rewards of failure.”

So it’s onward and upward, All Hands on Deck, Storm the Bastille, Remember the Alamo, E.T. phone home, Where’s the Beef, Just Do It!!!!

Have a Great Day

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