Even Cute Has to Eat…
Animals, so many… so cute, so interesting….. so tasty….. this week we’re going to have the First Salute to Animals Week. It all started yesterday with our Salute to the Moose. Such a sucky animal…. should have named him Jackass rather than the donkey, those bloody Moose just really rub me the wrong way, have you ever smelled a Moose, I mean really smelled one, up close, the worst kind of filth you can imagine, It’s a proven fact that in the wild Moose are treated exactly like child molesters in prison…. it’s a fact….
But I digress, back to our Salute to Animals week….
From the “Cute Animals Devouring Other Cute Animals” file, I bring you this BBC video showing a mob of starfish and flesh eating worms ravaging the carcass of a seal pup. Granted, they do this very, very slowly. The video speeds things up with time-lapse photography, which only adds to the alien creepiness as you watch thousands of starfish (plus sea urchins and giant meat-eating worms) gallop across the ocean floor. How do starfish eat a seal? Glad you asked. Turns out, they latch onto the seal’s side, pop their stomachs out through their mouths, dump digestive juices onto the seal flesh and then slurp up the dissolved “soup”.
Now this opens up a whole host of when cute goes bad discussion topics, but really, what can you say – even cute has to eat…. take almost anyone — show them, in slow motion, chowing down on a Burger King Quad Stacker, Strawberry Shake and Onion Rings and you’ll hear a few heartfelt gags accompanying the averted eyes amongst the spectators…. eating is seldom attractive. Unless it’s Selma Hayek, eating……. ahem, moving on…. no wait let’s all spend a minute just right here shall we…..
Oh yea, Starfish and junk… eating…. yea so like I was saying, very few people, or animals for that matter, can make eating attractive. Look at the starfish in the video, who has anything bad to say about Starfish? Everyone likes Starfish – I mean, it’s not like they’re moose.
Starfish, they’re all starry and gentle and just look like someone you’d like to hang out with and maybe watch a movie or listen to some records at your place. But even Starfish…. pushing out their stomachs through their mouths to eat, dude, seriously…
What if I have you over to watch the UFC, how am I supposed to eat the Nachos too if you’ve got stomach acid all up in there… just not cool, I suppose I could fix a separate bowl but then that’s another dish to wash. Maybe, now that I think about it, it might be better if you didn’t come over, I can just admire you from afar, we can be those friends who always say “Hey wow, we should really get together” but then neither of us calls….. and just leave it at that.
So, let’s go over what we’ve learned today, Moose = Morons, Starfish = Poor Dinner Guests, Salma Hayek = face melting-ly hot…..
Have a Great Day