Fatality has never been so Delicious…

Well, admittedly the last few days have been relatively heavy lifting on ye old blog…. I suppose it’s a hazard and we’re all a victim of the  circumstance. Rest assured, I meant you no harm. As a sort of palate cleanser today will be light, frothy and as gentle as a puppy in a velvet bunny suit.

Today it’s my intention to talk to you about the dangers of bread.

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Bread is associated with all the major diseases of the body. For example, nearly all sick people have eaten bread. Obviously, the effects are cumulative:

  • 99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten bread.
  • 100% of all soldiers have eaten bread.
  • 96.9% of all terrorist sympathizers have eaten bread.
  • 99.7% of the people involved in auto accidents ate bread within 6 months preceding the accident.
  • 93.1% of juvenile delinquents came from homes where bread is served frequently.

Further evidence points to the long-term effects of eating bread: Of all people born before 1839 who later dined on bread, there has been a 100% mortality rate.

Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease, and osteoporosis.

Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and being fed only water begged for bread after as little as two days.

Bread is often a “gateway” food item, leading the user to “harder” items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, even cold cuts.

Newborn babies can choke on bread.

Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

I belive the evidence speaks for itself, now, conduct yourselves accordingly.

Have a Great Day

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