Jabba the Nurse

Well it looks like I may have spoken too soon regarding our favorable weather… it is hot. I mean Pizza Pop right from the microwave, molten cheese on the roof of your mouth hot…. muy caliente…., the hot, where you sweat in the shower….

There are two things that should be common knowledge – one, I hate the heat and two, the heat hates me, we just don’t get along – never have. Constantly at odds, since the time we were kids. I was convinced the only place I would ever be happy living and working was way up in the Arctic… until I saw the movie “The Thing” with Kurt Russell…. OK so I won’t be working in the frozen tundra anytime soon….. then came 30 Days of Night, Alien vs Predator, Various X-Files… bad bad stuff happens up there above the tree line. It isn’t all sweet, snow white polar bears, frolicking seals and Superman’s Fortress of Solitude..,.. I suppose you could keep going North until you hit the pole and more than likely a few elves… but I’m telling you other than Santa’s bunkered compound – whole lotta nothing.

This I tell you – to tell you this, heat wreaks havoc on my MG, so it says right in the lovely menu I rec’d whence sitting down to this sucky meal all those months ago. Just aggravates and multiplys all the symptoms. Heart has been in constant, alternating flutter and arrhythmia for going on 12 days now, the shortness of breath, tight chest, dizziness is so constant as to have become the norm. It would be weird to not feel this way…. How messed up is that?

Seeing the fine folks at the Heart Centre on Wednesday of this week and so, had to undergo a bunch of blood tests etc etc  this weekend so they would have all my latest info, here’s a funny little story. NOT. Went in, basically made the rounds of all the nurses in the clinic, my blood pressure was so low, they couldn’t find any veins to draw blood from – so low, it didn’t have enough flow to keep the veins fully inflated, they were partially collapsed.  After getting stuck  three times in one arm and then twice in the other, with digging once they were in, they had to call out Jabba the nurse, she of the indiscriminate age and haggard countenance, she was probably on the original trauma team who worked on Abraham Lincoln… seen it all, done it all – as a last resort they see if she’s able to siphon anything from me. Well duh, of course you can find a vein if you use a needle the size of a turkey baster. She rammed that needle home and proceeded to milk me – but the blood was flowing in odd spurts, a result of the odd rhythm, so we’d fill one vial lickety split and the next would take a minute or more….super fun.


That’s all folks, just another exciting weekend in the life of an international medical marvel. Two weeks until they drive a freight train through my chest, I’m all tingly with anticipation…. it’s how I imagine folks on death row feel. Well that’s hardly a positive image… I need to work on that, but knowing what to work on is half the game. Right?

Have a Great Day.